Screwing With Fire
by Applebucker77
Summary: Read Courtney's journal entries day by day as she struggles to hold her sex life together with both Gwen and Bridgette.
1. My Mind is filled with Chaos

**10/7/10 My Room at the Resort, 2:45 PM**

Okay. First day of writing in a journal... I've never really kept one before.

It's a present from my friend Bridgette, who thinks that, and I quote, "Your head is so crammed with chaos, you're gonna need to harbor it somehow".

She is sooooo right.

In these past few months, my life could have been summed up with the word "chaos". The whole fiasco with Duncan, Gwen, Heather and Alejandro took a real toll on my mental well-being. They think I'm crazy! Crazier than Izzy, if you can imagine such a thing.

Come to think of it, Bridgette's really the only female friend I have left. I mean, Katie and Sadie and Izzy are all still acquaintances (is that how you spell it?), but Bridgette and I have something else. I'm not quite sure what it is, though.

And,_ inevitably_, Trent feels obligated to spend time with me and be my friend, since "We have much in common now!" The attention is kinda nice, but he can be _sooooooooooooo_ clingy, up to the point where I have to politely ask him to leave me alone. I understand why he would feel this way, but it still disturbs me.

I guess I should mention that all 24 of us are staying at the resort for a while longer, and by "while longer", I mean a couple of months. Chris told us we could go home around Christmas, so I guess that was nice. But still, I don't relish the idea of "chilling" at a tropical-themed resort hotel in the middle of freaking _November_.

Then again, there is a nice spa here...

Wow. I just read what I've been writing. Oh, God, I sound like such a pussy! Do I always sound like that? I really hope not.

I should probably also mention that the only means of electronic communication we have here are telephones in each room. That's right. No cell phones, email, and since my PDA has been broken, that clumsy beige phone resting on my bedside table is all I have.

My mom has only called me once while I've been here. I miss her. I don't have siblings or a father, but I've always had my mother. She believes in me and desperately wants me to succeed in all of my endeavors.

God, I wish I could rephrase what I said about Bridgette back there. It doesn't completely cover how I feel. But then again, my mind draws a blank when I try to figure out how to phrase it in a satisfactory way.

Well, I think that's enough for now...

**7:39 PM, My Room**

My phone rang just now. When I picked it up, it was a voice I was hoping I would never hear again.

Yup, it was Gwen.

I didn't even give her a chance to grovel. All I let her say was "Hey Courtney," and then I hung up. In her face. HA!

At first I was pleased. It was satisfying to reject her.

But... now I kinda feel bad. Maybe she wanted to apologize, and maybe by slamming the phone down, I just ruined any chance of a truce.

No, I heard the pleading in those two words, coming from the back of her throat. She'll be back...

What should I do if she calls back?


	2. Her Eyes are sooooo Sparkly

**10/8/10 My Room, 8:12 AM**

It's raining pretty damn hard out there. I wanted to go the pool earlier with Bridgette, but it's quite obvious that isn't gonna happen. She wants me to come to her room later to see a movie. Sounds nice, right?

The thing is, she wants me to come around 10 PM, after everyone goes to sleep. She was _very_ specific about it, said it was important.

Okay Bridge, whatever.

Gwen called again this morning! I didn't answer the phone, but I know it was her. She left a message, she said she wanted me to call her back today.

I might, if I have the time...

**Cafeteria, 2:23 PM**

Okay, okay. So I called Gwen. She seemed really happy, and I didn't wanna ruin her mood, so I faked a happy tone. I'm pretty sure she bought it, but not _totally_ sure.

To my surprise, she didn't start begging for forgiveness right away. She started by complimenting the weather. (Even though it was raining.) We made a little small talk, told each other how our weeks had been, a civilized conversation.

I took a chance, and asked Gwen how her relationship with Duncan was going.

"We broke up," she said. WHAT? I was genuinely shocked!

"He's just gonna dump me after a sexier broad walks past him. That's... kinda what he did to you."

I almost started crying.

"Courtney, are you gonna go back to him?"

"No flipping way."

"That's...a wise thing to do."

"Thank you." And then there was this long, awkward silence, and neither of us said anything.

Gwen spoke, her voice starting to break. "Am I forgiven?"

"Yes you are." I said after a split second of hesitation.

Maybe we'll start hanging out again, eventually. I see her at the other end of the room, and she's smiling. I'm smiling back.

Okay, that's enough emotion for now.

**My Room, 12:34 AM (nightime)**

Wow. I can't really describe how I feel right now. I can recap, though.

So I headed over to Bridgette's room around 10:00. Just seeing her face made me feel warm all over. We decided to watch _Redwall,_ which was playing on some channel I can't really remember the name of. After the third episode, Bridgette muted the television, an obvious sign that she wanted to talk.

I told her about Gwen. "She called me, and we talked."

"What about?"

"She wanted to apologize."

Bridgette made a weird face. "Really?"

"Yeah. She said that she had broken up with him,and that she understands now what a jackass he was to both me, and her."

"Wow." She looked at the floor. "Did you forgive her?"

"Of course! I'm not _that _heartless."

Bridgette giggled. "I know your're not." She playfully punched me in the shoulder. "You're just a little more..."

"...Tightly wound?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I was gonna say "sensitive". You know, in a good way."

I rolled my eyes and blushed. Mmm. I always love it when she compliments me. "Sure you were, you little liar."

"Really! You're sensitive, smart, clever, totally misunderstood..."

I blushed harder.

"Funny, deep, talented, sexy..." WHAT?

As soon as she said that, her eyes shot open, and she clapped her hands over her mouth.

Silence.

I wondered for a second what that was and/or where it came from, but then I decided to act on impulse and toy with her a little bit.

"Sexy?" I said, lying down on her bed.

"I...didn't say that." She looked away.

"Yes you did."

"I did not!"

"I just heard you say it."

She blushed. "Okay, fine. I said it. I said you were sexy."

"Thought so."

Silence.

Why do silences always mean more than actually talking?

Bridgette laid down next to me. She stared at the ceiling and pretended not to care. I found myself watching her chest rise and fall with each barely audible breath. She looked at me, and locked her gaze with mine. I didn't look away.

Her eyes are just _soooooooooo_ sparkly. They remind me of jade-stones.

She moved closer to me. "You know, you really are super sexy."

"So are you," I said _without_ hesitation.

And then I tried to ask the question that had been hanging around my mind (and I'm sure has been hanging on yours as well), but I didn't get three words out when it happened.

"Bridgette, are you-" and then she pressed her lips on mine. We stared at each other with a "deer in the headlights" look for a second, and then Bridgette pulled away and sat up sharply.

"I'm-I'm sorry..."

I sat up. Without thinking, or breathing, or saying anything, I lifted her chin with my finger up to my face, making lip contact again. A warm tingle crackled throughout my body, especially between my legs.

She kissed me back, and we both shut our eyes and slowly savored the feeling of each other. It felt _soooooooooooo_ good, I almost couldn't believe it.

We leaned in closer together, and I carefully placed an arm around her. "Oh", she gasped. I wanted to hear her make that noise again, so I put my other arm around her. Then, she started to bite my lip. She wanted me! I must have wanted her too, cause I slipped my tongue into her mouth. She did it, too.

It was like, for the first time, maybe ever, I was exactly where I was needed, where I belonged. Like I was at the right place, at the right time.

And making out with Bridgette just felt so _beautiful_.

I felt hot, so I panted. Strange, it sounded like the kind of panting you would hear in a porno. (I swear, I could start hearing tender 80's music in the background! I swear!)

Then things got a little... kinky. But I _really_ shouldn't write down the details... Bridgette would probably kill me if she knew I was documenting her sex life.

And yes, I said _sex_.

Alright, I'm going to bed.

**12:47 AM (still nightime)**

No, I can't sleep, I need to write down what happened!

So Bridgette and I were macking on each other for a while. She was biting and nipping, and swirling her long tongue, and sucking down my saliva like it was going out of style.

But then she fell back. At first I thought she was fainting, but then she tightened her grip on my shoulders. She was pulling me to the floor! I wasn't sure what to do, so I fell with her.

Then, she placed heself on top of me, and she started grinding herself into me. It was... indescribable. I remember feeling my crotch tingle and contract, and leak a warm fluid.

I don't remember much of what happened next, only that we both ended up sweaty and hot, and we didn't have our pants on.

We must have fallen asleep, because I remember waking up a little later. I knew I had to get back to my room, but I really didn't want to leave Bridgette, especially after what we had just done. I scribbled a quick note, asking her to call me.

I hope she isn't upset that I left.

I remember what she looks like with her pants down and... I really wanna see it again.

Yeesh, my writing is getting lazy. I had better get some sleep...


	3. I'm a Bad Person

**My Room, 9:46 AM 10/9/10 **

Back when I was fourteen, I knew this girl. Her name was Brittany Reed. She had long brown hair that she always kept in a loose braid. She was about as tall as me, and we shared the same shoe size. She was one of my best friends.

_Was_ one of my best friends.

We worked on every back-breaking project together, we studied together, we went shopping and to the movies and to ice-cream parlors together.

Those were some of the greatest times of my life.

But then, something weird started happening. I started to get a warm, tingly feeling whenever I saw or thought about her. And the closer I would get to her, the more intense the feeling would get.

I remember hugging her once. She pulled me in really close and pressed her warm body against mine.

The tingly feeling I had was reaching a climax, and I pulled her in closer. It felt _reeeeaaaaaallly_ good. I held my breath for a second, and then I exhaled with a drawn-out moaning noise. She let go and hurried off to her class, not suspecting a thing.

I noticed the wet spot in my underwear a few minutes later.

Later on that year, we worked on a debate project together. One night, we were both at my house, and we were doing research on our subject.

I made a huge mistake that night.

When she hadn't expected it, I kissed her. On her mouth.

I thought it was amazing, but the feeling wasn't mutual. She shoved me away, barked at me to finish the project myself, and left. I was absolutely heartbroken.

We haven't spoken since.

I fear that the little encounter I had with Bridgette last night might have been a mistake, too. Did she really mean to go as far as we did?

I don't know, and now I'm really nervous. She hasn't called yet.

**1:12 PM, Resort Spa**

She called! She _actually_ called!

She spoke like a little sweetheart over the phone, said she wanted me to come down to the spa. I can't wait to see her!

**4:43 PM, Bar**

Well, it's official. Bridgette didn't make a mistake! She really wanted to be with me! We spent all this time at the spa. We were chatting, swimming, and holding hands on and off the whole time.

I invited her to my room later tonight, so I'd better hurry up and finish my day so that I have time to clean.

Sorry that my writing sucks right now. I guess I'm just a little tired from the whole thing.

But now I'm here, waiting for Trent. He begged me to see him perform tonight, so I'll only be here another hour.

Then my mom wants me to call her. I wonder if I should tell her about Bridgette...

**7:21, My Room **

I ended up staying at the bar longer than I should have, when Gwen saw me and came over. I actually paid her more attention than I did to Trent.

I know, I'm not a very good friend, but Gwen is really good at distracting me! We started talking and laughing again, like we did when we were on Team Amazon.

At least, before the whole "Kiss Fiasco".

I guess I never realized how much I missed her up until then. She really is an interesting person, and despite her demeanor, a pleasant companion. I remember all of the horrible things I would think about her, and how I would wish for her to die every time I saw her.

I'm really glad she's back.

I was close to losing her.

I'm a bad person.


	4. For Sure Now

**10/10/10 (:P) 7:32 AM, My Room**

My mom was kinda pissed that I didn't call her last night. She called me at seven this morning and woke me up. She worries too much about me. I couldn't really say anything to her, she just yelled at me for the majority of the time.

I didn't tell her about Bridgette. Then again, I probably couldn't, even if I wanted to.

Speaking of Bridgette, she came to my room last night! I was SOOOOO unbelievably happy when she came.

As soon as she had shut the door behind her, she threw her arms around me and kissed me. And she is one _amazing_ kisser. I pretty much melted in her arms.

She took adavantage of my weakness, and had me pinned to the floor in the next two seconds.

Sly fucker.

She started to pull my shirt off, but then my stupid phone rang.

I HATE when that happens.

I decided not to get up. But then it rang again, and Bridgette told me to get up and answer it.

"Why don't you get it? You're closer."

"But it's _your_ phone."

I sighed exaggeratedly, and picked it up.

It was Gwen, no surprise. She was checking in, making sure everything was all right. I didn't say anything about Bridgette, but I told her I was busy.

She didn't push the issue, thank God.

But get this! Bridgette snuck up behind me and pinned me again! We play-wrestled for a little bit, then cuddled and listened to music. She's really into Incubus.

I really love that about her. It's as if she knows the exact amount of physical contact I need.

But then she did something weird. I wanted to take a shower after a while, but she followed me into the bathroom. I didn't undress in front of her, cause she did it for me. It was only after I was completely naked that she left. The weird thing about it was that she never said a word during the whole thing. I felt kinda like... an object.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved the idea of her undressing me. But, the way she did it, it felt more like I was a little kid, and she was some kind of secret pedophile or something.

Other than that, I enjoyed the night.

We didn't have sex, but I don't think we needed to. Just the fact that she came over was all I really wanted.

But maybe, soon...

**9:53 PM, My Room**

I wonder what the others would say about my "thing" with Bridgette. I haven't told anyone quite yet.

I'm afraid that my mom will flip out. We've never talked about any possibility of me liking other girls. She always just assumed that I was straight, and I guess I did too.

But I'm not, and I know it for sure now. I mean, the whole thing with Brittany, the crush on my teammate Izzy, and now this whole new experience with Bridgette. I'm sure now.

See, this is one of those things that I used to talk with Gwen about. I think I'll tell her tomorrow.


End file.
